So Dakota picked me up. Of all people. We got drunk and made out and fell asleep on the couch.
He asked me about the night I stayed at The Comedian’s house. I went over to clean and didn’t come home. I told Chris straight up that I was running away from domesticity and felt suffocated and was at his house to breathe.
Chris tried to kiss me. I told Dakota that a long time ago. I didn’t reciprocate. It was the truth, but all this time later, he still didn’t believe it. Must have tormented him.
(And that was Chris’s, “It’s me.” I get it now. How did everyone know?)
I’m so done with men, on like a personal level. I can’t do it anymore. Its like the craziest mother fuckers just attach to me. And I attach to the craziest mother fuckers.
The silver lining of Brian getting arrested is that I have my life back. And I’m sitting here, listening to the birds chirp. On acid, Heaven was a lot like this. Perfect weather, shaded where I sit but bright where I look, with the sounds of birds and breeze and nothing else. I feel good, and I found myself making plans for my new life. Because I have my life back.
And it also means I found my happy place. Because speed was my happy place, the only place I felt at peace was High. I needed a new happy place. This one is good, because I can find it anywhere, as long as I can find a shaded place to look over the sunlit Earth. It’s perfect.