the blog

Hold Up

I know it seems like I’m being unreasonable. I guess I went through the same thing with Dakota when the fire cooled. I go into a bubble and I don’t want to come out. 

Look, Brian. There’s some things you don’t know about me. One: I am a classic introvert. Not just the “I need alone time to recharge” kind, or the “socializing TAXES THE HELL OUT OF MY EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL RESOURCES” even without the constant beam of negativity, but the “I live inside my head” type. My internal world is rich and exciting and there is always something new. And frankly, it’s a hell of a lot more interesting than listening to you talk about random shit.

It’s not that I’m insensitive. You’re at least as insensitive as me, demanding that I sacrifice my need for silence to satisfy your need to socialize. It’s just that my needs matter more than yours on this. I do everything for you and I am more than responsive 80% of the time. Just leave me the fuck alone sometimes. I can take care of myself, if I need something I WILL GET UP AND GET IT.

The more you assault me with your “pay attention” and “woe is me” and “that’s fucked up” when I yell the fuck back and walk away, the less I want to be around you. You are trying to “fix” something that wasn’t fucking broken and you’re breaking it. That’s the truth. Shut the fuck up.

I get that you’re bored or lonely or some stupid shit, but I DON’T CARE. I can’t be the center of your world. Find a way to have a fucking life and stop looking to me to fill all your needs and assuage all your insecurities. It’s fucking exhausting.

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