What It Was to Me
I don't know what it was. It could have been anything: a delusion, a conspiracy, a combination of the two. I think it was both, but then I'm left figuring the ratio of one to the other. And who? Who did this to me? And why?
This is the story of my psychosis, experienced in the early months of 2020 amidst heavy drug use and my final days of full service prostitution. I was gangstalked, I was hacked, and in my head it was twenty things besides that. My reality shifted with each new piece of data, rotatating between possibilities like the horses on a carousel.
I never did find out what it was. Each time I got too close, the man behind the curtain threw more smoke. Not knowing oozed it's way to my core and eroded my identity. Without the whole truth, I couldn't distinguish my part.
I'm writing of this now so that I can reclaim my truth, and thereby take control of my life. I want you to hear it so I tell it out loud, with the hope that in your learning what was to me, you will discover also what it was.
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