The abusive people in my life like to team up on me, a phenomenon prevalent enough among actual narcissists to have been given a title: triangulation. You’ll start to see a pattern, just wait.
And one of the most common things that they say when they do this is that I must be the narcissist, which narcissists are known to do, ironically with no other evidence than that I say they are narcissistic.
Here’s the issue with that: All of the behaviors associated with Narcissistic Abuse are demonstrated on their side of our relational exchange, and all of the victim’s experiences are lived on mine.
The narcissist isn’t the one who gets discarded–again, an actual named phenomenon, performed by the narcissist, with specific patterns matching the exact conditions of my divorce–she is the one who loses every single member of her support system to a smear campaign–again, an actual named phenomenon. While, if your paying attention at all, you can tell she is coherent and typically level headed, she will be called crazy–again, an actual, characteristic claim made by the actual narcissist against the actual victim–and every explosion she is forced into–again, these “over the top” displays are NOTABLE as being common in victims of narcissistic abuse, one part of the narcissist’s endless crazy-making, (another actual term) whereas it is TYPICAL for the actual narcissist to respond with a level voice and make her look even crazier. THAT IS THE NORM.–serve as evidence in support of the false, and abusive smear campaign. The victim is less believed even while it becomes more clear that she is right. She is more isolated and more powerless every time she tries to speak.
Ya’ll are not reading up on this shit before you’re applying the terminology. Absolutely everything that I do is typical of the VICTIM! Just because you think I’m hot, smart, funny, and full of myself doesn’t mean I’ve got Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You’re looking for “vain,” and even that is an unfounded preconception. I struggle to even tip the scale to “confident.”
Now, if all of that is true, why is everyone around me a narcissist?
Constancy. I just explained a bunch of this stuff in my post on Theory of Mind Deficits. At the end of a three or five year identity formulation process, a child takes what she has learned about herself from her parents, and about her parents, and about how each party can be expected to react under a variety of conditions, and she draw out a map. It is with this map that she will navigate the rest of the world, forever unless conscious modifications are made, and then still by default when she is stressed or faced with novel stimuli for which she has no better construct.
The law of repeated victimization says that once a person has been victimized, they are much more likely to be victimized again. The trusting, or forgiving, or novelty seeking traits that made her prey once will make her prey again and again, and more so the more she becomes unconsciously molded to such a role. What better way to become narcissistic bait (that person who is repeatedly targeted by the exploitative) than to have been formed from infancy TO ACCOMMODATE A NARCISSIST?!
I get that Occam’s Razor says the simplest explanation is likely true. But guys, he meant the simplest explanation WHICH ACCOUNTS FOR ALL THE DATA. You can’t leave a bunch of shit out and call it an explanation. It’s not simple at that point, it’s just fucking lazy.