I met the most perfect guy inq the world a few weeks ago. Tall, handsome, supposedly rich, newly single parent, biggest d*** I’ve ever seen. 

 

Hated being around him, he was so perfect that the contrast made me feel my own flaws. Or maybe it was his constant talking-down to me. 

He tried to give me a job. Wanted to help me with whatever ambitions I had for my future, not realizing that I had given up on having anything at all. After what I’ve been through, what I’ve got is all that I could ever want. 

 

So the really great offer, $10,000 for one simple job, triggered resistance instead. First, who the hell are you tempt me with such preposterous a thing as hope? And what must you think of me to treat me like charity? And how, how dare you make me admit how small I have become, how many dreams I have cut from my own flesh and discarded because reality made the weight of them too much?

 

We got angry, I made him leave, and tqhen I cried all night. 

 

He brought it up several more times, and when I finally rejected it outright, he said, “Fine. Be nasty. Who the hell turns down $10,000?” And some other angry things that I never read cuz I blocked him.

 

I guess that’s what he thought of me. 

 

A lot of guys do this, think I’d be pretty great if only… And then try to make me their little project. How noble, to extend pity to the low and lift them up. Or, what a hell of a guy, reforming that whore. 

 

I don’t have a lot to say, except that I’m not your Cinderella. I’m not fretting over lost shoes and waiting around for prince charming. I’m not helpless, and I don’t need your help. I don’t deserve your pity. I deserve your respect. 

 

Don’t try to find me. I am not lost.