the blog

Old Poems

Forgot these existed, so I have to share. Like Atlantis.

June 5, 2015 (25 years old)
There once was a man who thought of only himself
And yet thought of himself not the least
Sometimes whim and emotion
Others mindless devotion
For himself til his self had decreased
For this was a man who was taught not to think
Rather taught was he how to obey
Commandeered by their thinking
Went he forth without blinking
Meant he gain for himself, yet decay
But the crowd, they would clap just as loud as they could
His success was a triumph of theirs
He thought this a reflection
Of his humble perfection
To the meaning remained unaware
The more that they cheered, still the less that he was
And the more like the crowd he became
By their precepts, all feeling
Dealt with all by their dealing
Any deviation founded shame
His humanity lost, he no thought to it gave
Judged he all by the truth of his God
Though His name often fleeting
Still his worship repeating
And though deference awarded, a fraud

October 2012 (22 years old)
I’d hold on to you forever
But my hands are growing weak
And just beyond this small plateau
The hillside grows too steep
I would tie you to my shoulders
If I dared to bear the pounds
But the hillside rocks may trick my feet
And send us both back down
So I will leave you here in safety
And hike this hill on through
And hope you’ll forgive my manners
In not staying here with you
While I traverse the mountain
Please forgive just one more blip
For neither can I glance back down
Or my shoes should surely slip
So I’ll begin this journey
With no thoughts to you or we
For though I’ve loved you dearly
I must release you to find me

February 2020 (20 years old)
Cold and rough against my skin
Linked and sealed to inhibit flight
I cannot move against this weight ”
My wrists and feet are anchored tight
Frozen fingers trace the metal bond
Seeking where these ties might spoil
One more piece and then the last
Alas! They’re fixed into the soil
The dirt collects on my rawing flesh
As I sink my nails into the ground
Any hope of escape is fading fast
The twine is set too deep to dig around
I cannot break these wretched strings
In my flesh, I am restrained by sin
Cords of crime bind me to the earth
This yoke of bondage is from within

And for kicks, here’s something from the peak of my religiosity, when I was 18 and in love with Rumi.

If a man’s character is his fate,
His future is directly correspondent to,
And entirely dependent on
His integrity,
Upon himself.
My goal is the retreat into love.
If I now begin to return to stillness;
To die to my flesh,
To live as if evil had not polluted human nature,
My nature,
Euphoria is imminent
It is time to break free from the chains of defilement.
I must embrace Holiness and Majesty.
I am unsure where this road shall lead,
But just as Noah built an ark when the earth was dry,
I will begin a foolish project
With no promise of success
And only blind faith pulling me forward.
What is beyond the now is never guaranteed
My destination is unclear
The only thing that is certain is today,
And all I can hope for is to gain
In understanding;
To attain righteousness